LOOK UP THERE! A DEAD BIRD!

i just want to slip back and enjoy the shade so the light won't keep me here.
just slip back into where no light can go and drift away to an end.
i don't know what will happen if i ever would or what the outcome would be.
i'm even too chicken to make my own outcome for myself.
simply because, i'm afraid of any outcome that i can think of so i stay here.

i just want to journey somewhere and anywhere where i can be acknowledged instead of ignored
but i would be able retain enough for myself to live. i want to swim with the fish in the ocean only because i don't have enough of myself to fly with the birds.

you won't understand so i don't know why i waste my time telling you this all because you'll just get even more on you.

i'm never really cry for myself, it's usually for other people. but today i cried for myself and it's making me feel so terrible because i don't care for myself. i'm not even going to survive out of high school. i want things easy for me and i want my freedom. i want everyone to get along and i want to find the right balance for myself. i want to run away and create my own map just in case i ever forget how to get back there. i want to be left alone and have no rules.

i'm tired of being at the bottom of the dog pile with all this weight on me. i barely have a backbone for myself but i don't deserve to stand.
i'll always be that lost child.
i'll always be not good enough.
i'll always be that ugly girl with the skinny nose and different sized eyes and the messed up teeth.
i'll always be that girl that can't be who she wants because she doesn't listen.
i'll always be that girl that thinks her friends hate her.

i just want to crumble everything i ever had into a tight ball and throw it off with face of the earth.
i want to start over.
i want to be right.