"you don't even know what you want., Brooke."

somedays i like actually thinking that people actually like me. i know they don't and i only fool myself when i say i don't care because i do. i'm actually a lot better than what i give myself but i refuse to give myself that credit and i refuse to let myself claim it. i never try hard enough because i don't know how. i don't like doing work so how can i expect anything good in life. i'm always pushing people out of my life one relationship after another so how can i expect someone to be there forever. i'm very naive and just plain stupid and i get fucked over on the daily and i still trust everyone. i feel stupid every single day and i look pretty stupid too. all i want is peace with everyone and myself. i want to feel good everyday. i want to be happy learning about stupid shit, i want to feel good in this stupid fucking dress, i want honesty, loyalty, nothing little kiddish. i want to keep everyone i have and add more. i want to soon be able to want to stop drinking and smoking but i don't want it just now. actually, i don't really know what i really want, fuck this, you're right.