today was a really good day.
yay fat footlong blunts.

pizzle john

i was walking around Bellevue with Jackie yesterday and i had to go to the bathroom so we went up to Bayne park to use the port-a-john. we were standing there for like 10 minutes. i told Jackie to go knock on it and she does and then screams HELLO. they guy in there was Cleaver and he's wiggling his fingers saying he's trapped. We start screaming for help and no one is helping us. we see the undercover freshboy police car so we start chasing it waving our arms in the air like he's stranded. all of us are laughing. so finally Cleaver gets out and i go to piss and i ask Jackie to hold the door open for me and Figgy keeps flying it open and telling Jackie to shut the door. the door keeps shutting and i keep telling them to hold it open and Jackie is like yelling at Figgy and Figgy is just being stupid and asking when he can 'give me a show' so i finish pissing and leave.

i haven't been in my backyard for like a couple days until today and it makes everything feel so much better. i like that it's been raining a lot lately and the past two days have been really hot so the ground is drying up. it makes it feel all squishy and it feels completely amazing.

bottles up?

i'm really happy lately and it's because i have everything back and more. the constant days of being fucked up is back and this time i don't have a stupid boyfriend to worry about. i can do whatever, whenever and however.

i'm really happy that i'm almost learning to love myself but each step i take forward to loving myself i find a reason to not love me and take half a step back. i feel like i deserve a lot more respect than what i've been getting and i'm tired of getting mistreated and walked upon. i'm learning and hopefully i'll get there.

lately all my insecurities have been leaking out and i'm afraid it's goin to make me weak. but because i tried to show that i'm strong and someone noticed and said i try to be something i'm not i'm slipping away.

this all connects to everything. i'm not strong and i try to be so i don't get walked all over and mistreated but someone noticed and brought it all out it made me stop to love myself and now i can't own up to anything except being not being able to see straight and making a complete fool of myself.