detour

i look into the mirror and i can't see the same me as a year ago. all i can do is look in the mirror and cry at the sight i get. i'm such a pretty girl but what i see is so dark and ugly. i'm not looking at myself with appearance but i can see right through me. i can't remember anything that i enjoyed and i can't remember what made life so good at a point in my life. i followed a long road of not caring for myself or life and only caring of only a few of those around me. i wrecked myself too many times but i never saw it until now when i see myself. my alter ego is a monster. i'm perplex with myself, i don't know who i am anymore. who i have become is intricate and i endeavor to see who i once was, to become who i once was. i took a diabolical road destroying my memories, friends, family and trust. i was too selfish with my own pleasure and blissful guilt to realize who i have effected until now. i hurt everyone who means everything to me. i was too oblivious with those who do care and love me and had a mindset that i should destroy myself but i only hurt those around me. i'm conscious with what i have and what i've done and i strive to find what once made me realize why life was and is so good. i appreciate who i have especially Jodie, Duane and Brandon. they made me realize what i'm doing and how i'm destroying my life and hurting the others that do care for me. i no long want to be the monster and i want to be Brooke.