evergrowing list

i honestly don't care about your problems.
i have almost enough to deal with my own.


1. you're on my nuts constantly and you never get the hint that i don't like you. you broke up with your girlfriend thinking that you'd actually have the slightest chance with me. you act like something you're not, which a lot of people do, but you can just tell that who you claim to be isn't you. you don't go to school after you drank an entire bottle of SKYY and you don't smoke pot or cigarettes. just because half of us might doesn't mean you have to. and we never invite you along to hang out you just randomly appear and annoy the fuck outta us. and you're some fucking stupid ass believing i was in an open relationship with my best friend. so take all that pot you smoke, all that alcohol you drink and every cigarette you've bummed off me and everyone else up your fucking ass.

2. okay, what happened happened and i regret that ever happening. i can't stay mad at you for what happened because it was my actions too. doing what we did made me realize how much i love my boyfriend. you've helped me in some ways and in others you haven't. i try not to talk to you and i know for a fact that nothing will ever happen with us anymore because i see who you really are. you've hurt so many people and some are even my friends. you know what you're doing but you just continue to do it for your own pleasure. i try to inform all you about what has happened to me and past people but no one listens so for all the bitches that don't listen, have fun with my sloppy seconds. and for you, i still want to remain of what we are. we aren't friends but we aren't enemies anymore. i just want you to try respect that i do have a boyfriend still and try not to put things on me. don't get me wrong, what we had was good but i really couldn't take it that seriously.

3. you were one of my best friends at a certain time and point but now you're just like there. we are still 'friends' i guess but it honestly don't matter to me. you left me hanging for a while now. i'm still here for you though you aren't here for me. i understand what is happening to you but how you're handling it is way out of line. i understand that we did do some shit in the past but that was like nothing, really. we are still close but i don't even want to be friends with you after what you did. it's not fair to me or two other people. so take your small, skimpy dick that magically 'grows' when you touch it elsewhere.

4. we were cool until you decided to make a nasty joke about me. and your stupid ass sent it to someone that was right next to who i was talking to and he showed me. i don't put up with people treating me like that anymore. so go learn some manners and maybe you'll get girls someday you big-headed perv.

5. i honestly don't care about your problems. i never felt sorry for you because you're only bringing this on yourself. i've been there, done that, also. look at me now? i'm happy to most eyes. i got over most of my past. it's still there but i don't really care anymore and you shouldn't either. you complain to me too much and you try to tell me what to do with my boyfriend. well let me tell you something, when you have your own boyfriend you can do whatever you want. but he's mine so leave me the fuck alone about it.i don't really even care that you want to kill yourself because you won't do it. i'm not asking you to either. i'm asking you to get over everything quit complaining that you don't have a girlfriend, you're ugly, you're lonely, you're going to be homeless, you don't do anything, you don't know who you are.

words of advise: YOU'RE DOING THIS TO YOURSELF. i'm not going to tell you what to do with your life and i've never even met you. you have to explore and find your answers and you have to actually do something to get something. so maybe i did tell you what to do, or i'm telling you what i do.

get over yourself and don't let others pity you because they no have to reason. you do this to basically everyone for the attention that makes everyone want to get away from you.

6. i don't really dislike you or really have anything bad to say. most of this is my fault, actually it all is. you got me started on drugs and enhanced my drunken days. i thank you guys for most of it but i'd probably be happier never doing drugs or drinking again but i just don't know how to stop. i've been doing it for so long. i guess i'm almost dependent on it. things got way out of hand and i have my one fucked up night that i'll probably never forget. or forget others actions and opinions on it. everything go way out of hand. and i realized how much people care for me. but after tell you all this you still offer me everything and i can't really say no to an offer like this. after promising everyone i'm done drinking and doing drugs i still do it. it's my fault i know. but i love you and hate you guys all at the same time. you supply me with the best times and you give me the worst of times.

"THIS IS ANNOYING!"

i really love how you think you can treat the whole class like shit
and expect to be treated like a champ.
let's write me up some more.
you're the one that's getting upset and letting a rude, ignorant, stupid cruddy girl get to you.
now we're all laughing at you.
except the other teacher in the room and the aid that thinks he's an ACTUAL teacher.

you can talk your smack on a silly girl like me.
i'm doing it with the rest of class, loud enough for you to hear and get more upset.

you act like you're so innocent but really you're a bitch.

you walked out the room to take a breather from the class.
who is in charge now?
you can't control a class because we're all teaming up on the teachers.

i can't wait for this whole school to have a walk out.
there is only so much more that we ALL can take until we do.

fuck you City High.

detour

i look into the mirror and i can't see the same me as a year ago. all i can do is look in the mirror and cry at the sight i get. i'm such a pretty girl but what i see is so dark and ugly. i'm not looking at myself with appearance but i can see right through me. i can't remember anything that i enjoyed and i can't remember what made life so good at a point in my life. i followed a long road of not caring for myself or life and only caring of only a few of those around me. i wrecked myself too many times but i never saw it until now when i see myself. my alter ego is a monster. i'm perplex with myself, i don't know who i am anymore. who i have become is intricate and i endeavor to see who i once was, to become who i once was. i took a diabolical road destroying my memories, friends, family and trust. i was too selfish with my own pleasure and blissful guilt to realize who i have effected until now. i hurt everyone who means everything to me. i was too oblivious with those who do care and love me and had a mindset that i should destroy myself but i only hurt those around me. i'm conscious with what i have and what i've done and i strive to find what once made me realize why life was and is so good. i appreciate who i have especially Jodie, Duane and Brandon. they made me realize what i'm doing and how i'm destroying my life and hurting the others that do care for me. i no long want to be the monster and i want to be Brooke.